I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You can't special order awesome
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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