if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
