i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize