is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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