So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish you could order shots online.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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