I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
