guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
