My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
