We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
