I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
