6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're like the curious george of whores
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
