# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
