Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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