Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
