I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
