We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
