I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
