The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
