that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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