I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
