I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
