I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize