I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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