I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This baby is an asshole
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think my moral compass just broke
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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