dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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