please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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