I wannas sexs uuuuu
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
