I heard we made out
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
