After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
