This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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