my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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