My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
