I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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