Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
