Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
