Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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