She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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