we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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