I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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