just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
