and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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