Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
