dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
