that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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