"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
