If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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