Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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