Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
