you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
