remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
