I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
