girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
