Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
