Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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