I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
