you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
