lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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