Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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