Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
