you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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