we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
