In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize