I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
