I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
