my mouth tastes like poor choices
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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