tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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