your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
