so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
