If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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